ALL THAT REMAINS BEYOND

In the apocalyptic remnants of the world All That Remains is us and THEM...

ATR Chapters

Ch 56: A Long, Long Time Ago...

Posted by The Spectre on November 25, 2012 at 12:40 AM Comments comments (2)

Recording From Recovered Alien Craft (Translated By Dr. B. Banzai):

 

 

“It all went to shit so fast. Only a few short hours after the terrorist attack, the virus was planetwide. The infection spread so fast that it could not be contained. The only hope was to leave the planet. I loaded up my freighter with as many “paying customers” as I could stuff into the cargo modules and broke atmo just as the Imperial ships arrived to quarantine the planet. They warned all ships attempting to leave the surface to turn back or be destroyed then opened fire on any that did not obey the order. Several ships of all classes were vaporized by the Star Destroyers’ turbo laser batteries and proton torpedo volleys as the Interdictor Cruisers began setting up their overlapping interdiction fields. I knew that if they got their fields set up, escape was impossible. I didn’t have time to program jump coordinates. I just dialed in random numbers and punched the hyper drive into action. I made it out just in time.


During the jump, I could hear bloodcurdling screams coming from the ship’s comm system. There must have been some “infected” among the hundreds of “passengers” in the modules. With nowhere to escape as the modules are sealed off from the main superstructure of my ship, they were goners. After awhile, the screams stopped…and THEIR moaning began. My ship was filled with THEM.


As I reverted to realspace, I truly realized how bad of a situation I was in. Instead of the streaming stars reverting into familiar pinpricks of light, I exited hyperspace into a maelstrom of cascading colors. I had no idea where I was, the space visible through my windows was a nightmare of spacial anomalies. Energy vortexes, rifts, wormholes and Gods know what else they were filled my entire view screen! Instruments were useless as the conflicting readings they were showing made no sense at all. Before I could react, my ship was caught in the gravitational pull of the closest anomaly!


The pull was too strong and I was pulled through the event horizon of the anomaly and the universe went crazy! Time had no meaning. It felt simultaneously like only a moment had passed and that thousands of years had gone by. As the ship tumbled through the swirling multicolored vortex I knew I was screwed royally. Who knew where in the Universe I would end up?


After an eternity which could have been an instant, I have finally emerged from the anomaly above a medium sized blue/green planet. None of the instrument readings are familiar to me. There are no galactic navigation beacons broadcasting and none of the signals I am receiving from my antennas are in any of the known galactic languages.


Oh shit! Something’s coming right at the ship! Controls are still offline…I can’t get out of the way…(static)…(transmission ends)”


_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

High above the Earth, an explosion lights up the sky. A NASA probe returning from Venus has just collided with an unknown alien vessel and both craft are now locked in earth’s gravitational embrace and begin their decent to the ground in a long sweeping arc. As the alien vessel begins to break up, several cargo modules violently rip free of their moorings, dropping to the Earth below in a path that deposits them across almost the entire northern hemisphere of the planet….

 

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Several Miles Outside Cardiff, England:

 

 

The countryside is littered with debris from the still mostly intact rectangular container. Several soldiers in green fatigues sift through the wreckage, collecting everything. Among the debris are metallic crates and canisters filled with unknown chemicals and devices, all of which are labeled and put into the backs of several covered trucks bearing “U.N.I.T.” markings.


Lt. Hyde-White, the senior officer on site asks for a status report.


“Sir, the technologies are nothing like that used by any of the catalogued species we have encountered in the past. It’s not Dalek, Cyberman, Zygon, Sontaran, any of them. We found one device we thought might have been a Silurian weapon, but the design is not quite the same.” answered Pvt. Schiffield.


“Then I assume we can expect a visit from our “Scientific Advisor” before too long. He always seems to show up when something like this happens” comments the Lt.


Schiffield hesitates a moment and adds nervously “There’s something more, sir. We found what appear to be tracks, lots of them. Some appear to be staggering and some appear to be dragging themselves or others. The tracks are heading towards Cardiff….”


Hyde-White rubs his temples, the beginnings of a migraine taking hold. “Call all of this into HQ and take a squad to investigate the tracks. Call up some reserves from Action Force if you have to. Also, you had better alert those nut jobs at Torchwood. Let them know that trouble is heading their way….”

 

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

An Undisclosed Location In The California Desert:

 

 

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. clean up a crash site in the middle of the desert. Two VTOL “Quinjets” depart the scene loaded with wreckage from the cargo module. On the ground, a small group of unmarked trucks are also being loaded with pieces of the module and it’s cargo. A small, wiry agent directs the cleanup operation with an air of confidence.


“Tag everything. Make a full manifest of all debris, containers, etc. and make sure we know where every speck is going. I want every nut and bolt accounted for.”


The agent, Phil Coulson, knows his men will do their usual impeccable job. Most of the recovered artifacts will be sent to S.H.I.E.L.D.s many scientific research labs while others will be sent out to their various “consultants” such as those at Stark Enterprises, the Baxter Building, and the Banzai Institute.


As another truck is getting buttoned up, two Men in identical black suits and sunglasses appear in front of Coulson and the assembled agents. “Good job gentlemen, but we’ll take it from here” says the first Man, a tall, craggy looking Caucasian. “Just who do you think you are?” asks Coulson.


“S.H.I.E.L.D., Division Six” replies the first Man. “I am Agent White and this is Agent Black” he says pointing to the second Man, a tall, skinny African American. “There’s no Division Six…” Coulson begins to reply but is cut off by a blinding white flash.


The second Man angrily turns to the first “What did I tell you about that racist bullshit, Kay? How about next time I go first and introduce you as Agent Cracker?”


The first Man, Kay, simply points to the series of tracks leading away from the crash site, tracks nearly obliterated by the wash from the Quinjets’ thrusters, that head off into the desert towards the distant lights of one of the many small towns that dot the desert landscape. “Keep your mind on the mission, Slick.”


Kay pulls out his gleaming chrome communicator. “Zed, we have a problem…”

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Somewhere In The Countryside Outside Pittsburgh PA:

 

 

A large crater has been blasted into the side of a hill. Most of the fires have gone out, but a few small brushfires still burn here and there both inside the crater and nearby where bits of debris landed and ignited the grass. In the center of the crater sits the twisted remains of an unknown alien spaceship. A large flatbed sits outside the crater waiting to receive it’s load. An enormous crane begins to lift the wrecked craft from it’s resting place.


“Careful with her, she’s not in the best of shape and I’d like to get her back to the Ranch more or less intact!” shouts a tall, dark-haired man clearly in charge of this operation. Another man, tall, bleached blond and impeccably dressed walks up to him. “Buckaroo, do you think it’s Lectroids again?” asks the second man.


“Naw, Tommy, not Lectroid tech. This is something new. World Watch 1 got reports that this little lady broke up in the atmosphere and dropped pieces of herself all the way from jolly old England to right here in PA”. Tommy, looking perplexed, replies “How’s that possible, Boss? There’s nothing between the UK and here but the Atlantic Ocean and New Jersey”. “She took the long way around, Tommy” replies Dr. Buckaroo Banzai.


A tall, muscular woman walks up to the two men laughing. “Good thing you are so pretty Tommy, because you sure are dumb.” Buckaroo looks amusingly at the woman, Long Tall Sally, and replies “Tommy’s Perfect, that’s why I have kept him around so long. Now let’s get this show on the road. I want to get back to the Ranch before Mrs. Johnson’s New Year’s Eve Party starts.”


Banzai looks up into the darkening sky. “Tonight we say goodbye to 2009 and welcome in 2010. I have a feeling it’s going to be an interesting year…”

 

THE BEGINNING…..

Ch 55: Mystery of the Missing Children Part 1

Posted by SGCaper on November 21, 2012 at 3:30 PM Comments comments (3)

Date: October 29, 2014. Time: 0448. Location: Mulberry, KS.

 


Early morning. Having been on the road since before sun up the van makes its way down the eerily abandoned streets of Mulberry.

 

"It's too quiet."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Something's wrong."

 

"Yeah."

 

"What?"

 

"I haven't the slightest clue."

 

Signs of violence are everywhere. Cars pock marked with bullet holes. Windows smashed. Charred remains of the once living in the street. Yet somehow there is something different about this town then every other one they've driven through. There is an uneasy feeling that they are being watched. Shaggy scans the windows, careful not to move his head or eyes too much in case someone is watching. "Velma."

 

"Yeah Shaggy."

 

"The third window above the General Store." He doesn't need to say more. Velma carefully adjusts her glasses with one hand, the other stationed on the steering wheel of the big van. She moves her eyes up and catches the movement.

 

"Could be the wind."

 

"Yeah I thought the same thing. But then, second window above the Post Office."

 

Velma again carefully scans and sees it. A silhouette clearly visible, at least clearly visible to the trained eye. She turns her attention to the street in front of her. Nothing but open road straight out of town. "You know usually survivors build barricades. Secure the area. I don't see anything like that here."

 

"What makes you think they're survivors."

 

"Think about it Shaggy. If they were zombies they'd be attacking us. We're going slow enough."

 

"Yeah but maybe they're stuck inside."

 

"I don't think so."

 

"Why?"

 

"Cause of her." The woman is running down the street towards the van. In her arms she clutches a small bundle tightly to her chest. Her bare feet slap against the black asphalt, she ignores the broken glass and makes straight for the Mystery Machine. Straight for the driver's door. Shaggy has his weapon up as the woman slams her free hand repeatedly against the heavy grating welded over the grimy glass. "Help her. Please. Take her." Velma neither speeds up nor slows down. She looks back and forth from the woman to the road.

 

"Velma?"

 

"I know. I know."

 

From the back of the van Scooby starts to let out a low growl. "It's okay Scoob. Relax. Shaggy and I got this."

 

"Please please take her. Save her." The woman pleads not for her life but for the bundle in her arms a small child. "Please. Take her before he does."

 

"Velma?"

 

"I know Shaggy." She pushes down on the accelerator and the van begins to pick up speed. The woman runs behind them screaming.

 

"Help her. Please. You're killing her. Please help!" The woman chases after them to the end of Main Street. In the rearview mirror Velma sees several men come and drag her kicking and screaming back into a darkened building.

 

______________________

 

 

"I don't get it Shaggy. Nothing adds up. The woman. The baby. The men. The town. It just doesn't make sense."

 

"Maybe they're just crazies." His long hair falls in front of his eyes as he inhales deeply, sucking in the smoke of his last "special cigarette." He holds in the pot smoke. After a few seconds it escapes as he coughs.

 

"Do you really have to do that now?" The back of the van is filled with smoke as the two sit on the dingy mattress that covers the floor. They long ago tore out the rear seats in exchange for the mattress and boxes of supplies.

 

"It's my last one. And yeah after that trip through Mulberry I think I do need to do it now." His empty hand strokes the fur on the thick neck of his four legged friend. Scooby doesn't know what it is but he knows when his person starts coughing he's gonna start feeling funny and getting hungry. That means Scooby Snacks.

 

"Fine. It still doesn't make sense."

 

"Sure it does. That town creeped me the fuck out. Big time. It's enough we have to deal with the zombies but screaming women with babies, yeah I can't take that."

 

"That's not what I meant Shaggy. I didn't mean your smoking. I meant the town. Why weren't there barricades? Obviously there were people there. How're they keeping the zombies out? How are they alive? And who was gonna take the woman's baby?"

 

"I don't know the answers to any of that but I do know I want me a Scooby Snack." Scooby's ears perk up hearing his person's words. His head lifts eyes full of anticipation. "Toss me the box will ya V?"

 

"Sure." She reaches out for the green snack box and tosses it to Shaggy. He catches it one handed. Placing the roach in the lone ashtray he opens the box and reaches inside. He digs around and pulls out a single Scooby Snack. The big Great Dane sits up. Eyes fixed on the morsel in his human's hand. "Well Scoob looks like this is it. After this no more. Gone like the Dodo and the Twinkie. Never to be seen again." He looks at the cookie treat. "It's all yours Scoob. Enjoy it." He tosses the cookie. No sooner does it leave his hand then great brown jaws snatch it from the air.

 

"That was nice Shaggy."

 

"Well he deserves it. He's kept us safe this long. Would ya mind adding you know whats to the list. I know we won't find these but he deserves his treats."

 

"Sure thing Shag." Velma reaches into her shoulder bag and pulls out a small notebook. Turning to a dog eared page she scrawls a few things before closing the book and placing it back in her pack.

 

"So what do you want to do?"

 

"What do you mean Shaggy?"

 

"Oh c'mon. We've known each other long enough. I know you are fascinated by that town. I know you see a mystery to solve. I know that no matter how much I beg and plead you are going to want to go back there and figure it all out. So what do you want to do?"

 

"You're not even going to try and talk me out of it?"

 

"Look I just smoked my last nub. Gave Scooby the last Snack. I think if there were ever a day to die trying to solve some kooky caper it's today."

 

Velma looks at the man sitting before her. His long hair constantly falling into his eyes, how he sees anything and shoots so well is beyond her. His once lanky frame showing signs of hard work and strain. His clothes filthy. His gear impeccable. He's not the most handsome man but if she were straight...

 

"Okay Shaggy. Here's the plan."

 

________________________

 

 

Just after high noon the van rolls slowly back into town. They stop in the middle of the street, the Post Office on one side and Ma's Diner on the other. Velma puts it in park. "You ready Shag?"

 

"As ready as I'll ever be. Ready Scoob?" The dog's sharp exhale signaling he's ready. "Let's do this."

 

The two open the doors to the van and step out each side. Scooby follows Shaggy out the passenger door. They close the doors and make their way to the front of the van weapons at their sides. Eyes looking from window to window.

 

"You feel it don't you Shag?"

 

"Sure do. We're bein' watched."

 

The town is silent. Not the silence of the undead world, silence of the dead.

 

"LEAVE! THIS IS YOUR ONLY WARNING!" The voice reverberates and echos down the street. Neither Velma nor Shaggy openly reacts. The only visible reaction coming form the big dog. The hair down Scooby's back stands on end causing Shaggy to absentmindedly run his hand through it.

 

Velma looks at Shaggy who simply nods. She yells out, "We're not leaving. We've come to help the woman from this morning. She asked us to help her. We're here to do just that."

 

"YOU CAN'T HELP ANYONE." A different the voice booms down the street.

 

"Got it." The words barely above a whisper.

 

"Yeah?" Velma responds in kind.

 

"Yeah. Pharmacy. Two buildings down. First floor."

 

"You're sure?"

 

"You know it."

 

"Okay Shag." Velma straightens up and raises her voice, "We're not leaving without the woman who asked for help. You want us to leave you'll have to make us." Silence takes over the street. The feeling of being watched consumes the duo. Scooby shows signs of being ever more agitated by the exchange. "Relax Scoob." Shaggy's hand smoothes the dogs big head. Minutes tick away. No sound can be heard. Then all at once barefoot men and women come from the doorways and alleys between buildings. In seconds the once empty street is crowded with people. Scooby raises to his feet, stands in front of his people, lowers his head, and snarls. A long low sound escaping from between his glistening teeth. Shaggy and Velma stand back to back weapons at the ready as the people inch their way closer.

 

"Velm..."

 

"Yeah Shag?"

 

"I changed my mind. I don't wanna die today."

 

_________________________

 

 

Ch. 49 On The Trail (BY GUEST WRITER PRIEST)

Posted by SGCaper on September 18, 2012 at 4:15 PM Comments comments (0)

Date: October 11th 2012. Time: 11:28. Location: The PITT.

 


Storm Shadow looked up at the cage he was set in, metal bars, dingy sofa, lumpy bed with thread bare wool blanket and lumpy pillow, a tray of food brought daily, and a constant guard stationed outside. He heard footsteps, brisk footsteps, and the door opens, partial over lights spray in around the figure, 6ft 8in maybe? Storm Shadow looked at the man his eyes glistening as dust sweeps around him, via the air conditioner.

 


“Hello old master” says the man, his face masked by a helmet, only his Azure eyes remain un-hidden.

 


“Nunchuck my old student, you have come to release me?” Asks Storm Shadow, an idea forming in his head.

 


“You have chosen the wrong side master. You should have just been neutral in this conflict”

 


“I came for you Nunchuck, it is you who has chosen the corrupt side of life” Storm Shadow leaps to his feet in a fluid move.

 


“You do not intimidate me old fool, you can’t barge in here kill 2 Guards and surrender yourself just to see me can you?”

 


Storm Shadow raised his eyebrows, “Let me tell you how corrupt the Joes are, they sent 2 men to kill me, what have I done, I support the Commanders belief, could you be ordered to kill me because I believe in something you don’t?”

 


“No, but that isn’t the point” Nunchuck never had the chance to finish his sentence as he was knocked to the ground. Minutes later he comes to. He finds himself staring up at Storm Shadow a small blade fashioned from a piece of the sofa from his cell held tight at Nunchuck's throat.

 


“Join me or Die!”

 


Just then Burn-Out a guard known for carrying a flame-thrower while on guard duty steps around the corner. All he sees is the cell open and a man on the ground he let’s rip with his weapon. Naplam fills the small corridor and the unrelenting blaze burns Nunchuck a cinder, Storm Shadow escaping through an air vent.


Burn-Out looks at the charred remains and unloads his pistol shot after shot tearing into the lifeless corpse. As he turns from his handy work his throat is shredded by Storm Shadows Knife. Storm Shadow picks up Nunchuck and makes his way out of the PITT to the nearest Medi-Viper outpost.

 


Location: Secret Cobra Medical Compound, Mexico.

 


1 year later

 


After serious plastic surgery and cybernetic implants Nunchuck finally steps up, He suffered amnesia after the burning, seizing the opportunity, Storm Shadow manipulated his mind into a perfect add-on to Cobras Ninjas.


His Left-forearm was converted with Cyber technology and skin grafted on over the Cybernetic arm.


His thighs received cybernetics and his face needed grafting and his chest has a new suit of armor which sustains his breathing, heart beat and other organic parts. He was the first to go under this much “Re booting” as the Doctors call it. Nunchuck steps forward a new man.

 


2 months later

 


Dusty and Sandstorm look down at the small cropped buildings in amazement as they see an 8ft beast walk out of one of the small adobe mud homes.

 


“Is that Storm Shadow?”

 


Asks Sandstorm who was looking down the barrel of his 50 cal.

 


“No, It must be a Merc or something” answers Dusty also looking down his scope.


The Joe Desert specialists, Dusty and Sandstorm, were on a mission to find and eliminate Storm Shadow, all they knew was that Storm Shadow was recruiting hundreds of highly trained men and women to the Commanders cause.

 


If the Mercenary down there looked in their position he would see nothing but sand, sand and more sand, one of the many reasons Sandstorm loves Mexico. Dusty and Sandstorm were in a Dug-Out their roof was 3 layers of Camouflage netting covered with a fine layer of sand with 5 inch holes in the Dug-out facing the Compound. Dusty and Sandstorm were there for days, waiting for something to walk out of the small buildings Iron reinforced door.

 


“So when is Storm Shadow comin’?” Asks Sandstorm, it seemed to Dusty that he wouldn’t be coming.

 


“To be truthful I have no fucking clue”

 


That was the end of their day conversation now it was more hours looking through their scopes at the buildings.


The end of the conversation might be rescheduled.

 


“Woah looks like a platoon of Vipers just came out of that outer building. Stingers come up from the ground. Tunnel is left of Building Oscar. Wait a minute” Sandstorm scrawled to the back of the Dug-Out and looked through one of the holes.

 


“Shite, Convoy coming in 12 Humvees, 2 M2 Bradleys, 2 T90’s and 6 Apc’s!”


Dusty looked down his scope never batting an eye lid as he saw the mysterious Merc jump in a Humvee filled with Crimson Troops.

 


“I don’t know who this guy is but he is trouble, spelt with a Capital T”

 

 

Ch 45: The Double Cross (By Guest Writer PRIEST)

Posted by SGCaper on September 23, 2011 at 5:15 PM Comments comments (1)

Date: october 6th Time: 0940 Location: Haverhill, Suffolk, UK.


Five men gather around the tower, they quickly sprint to a manhole, the cover comes up with a clang as one of them quickly pulls it up. “In! In!” ordered one; they all began their descent into the dark dank sewers. They trudge through the accumulated waste. The smell of death permeates the air. They stop their advance as a body floats towards them “Do a quick ID check Vince."


“Sir! The body... it’s come up as agent… Shana O’hara.” muttered Vince.


“Damn, I’ll send a message to Hawk” replies SGT. Thunder sadness in his voice. But there is no time for mourning now they have a mission to complete. They continue on and stop wading through the excrement in front of a set of ladders leading up. The manhole cover falls from above splashing down in front of the Joe team as a voice echos through out the sewer “That’s our informant.”


Agent Raven stood above, at the ready, crossbow in one hand and a briefcase in the other; one by one they ascend out of the rank sewer tunnel. They enter a nondescript garage. It's filled with rows of tables; each table littered with 50 and 100 gram bags of different narcotic; cannabis, crack, cocaine, meth, cut-up magic mushrooms. Taking it all in Downtown gasps “This has to be worth millions!”


Agent raven nods, briefly showing a scar under her ear, “Correct, now, here is the plan.” She quickly replies. She begins issuing orders, “Thunder you and Flak-Rain will be driving those vehicles out of here" She points to several luxury sedans parked on the far side of the garage, "Careful they're hot. Downtown get up on the roof with Vince and keep an eye out for unwanted company. The Lieutenant and I will be placing these Nano Bombs in strategic places” she opened the briefcase to show a few assorted bright green metal containers.


“Gas masks on men lets move!” ordered Thunder.


They pull on their masks and ensure a tight seal before all simultaneously sprinting away. Thunder and Flak-Rain make their way towards the 2nd floor. As they go Thunder asks, “Where did Raven get that scar from?”


“What scar?” Flak-Rain stoops jogging and turns back toward the sergeant a look of incredulity on his face.


“The one under her ear.”


“Shit!”


“Dammit!" Flak-Rain says then immediately hits his the transmit button on his com, "Dense! Vince! Downtown! That wasn’t Agent Raven! I repeat that wasn’t Agent Raven!

____________________________________________________________________________

Vince turned to Downtown “You stay guard I’ll be back!”


“I heard ya.”


A short while after Vince left Downtown gasped, “Oh shit!”

____________________________________________________________________________

Agent Raven turned too see Thunder and Flak-Rain running towards her Dense saw too and instantly jammed his sub-machine gun in the impostors temple “On the fucking ground bitch!”


The impostor went down to her knees and slowly her hands went up. Thunder crouched in front of her and grabbed her chin and twisted her head sideways showing a small incision, he shoved his finger through and tugged ripping a bunch of “skin” off, he looked at Dense and Flak-Rain, Dense held a MP-5 and Flak-Rain pointed his M16 a the rip of skin “Now pull it all off Vince can identify her when he gets here.”


Thunder began pulling off the skin when, BREEEEKKKK!


“The fuck was that?”


Sir! Downtown here, a plane just crashed looks like Raven brought back-up!


Thunder looked down at the impostor and slowly turned his M4 towards the doors; Dense edged towards her and then with one quick pull ripped the latex mask off her, revealing her true face.


She had high cheekbones and pure hazel eyes witch gleamed as she said “Finally that mask was doing my head in!”


“I know that accent! Are you with PIRA?” Muttered Dense


“Yes I am, PIRA doesn’t like cobra either and they’re stealing our business.”


Thunders radio crackled, “Thunder, Narco-Vipers and a bunch of civvies running towards target building counting 11 in total, there being followed by . . . A horde of . . . Rioters? I don’t know but sir we need too get out of here!”


“Shit!”


Dense briefly glanced at the unimpressive looking doors then he pulled out his pistol and placed the muzzle under her earlobe, “I say we drop her then piss off out of here and blow the bombs, fuck the civvies there probably Cobra supporters.”


Thunder gasped in embarrassment, “Where is Raven?”


The impostor glanced at him with a confused face, “You did come through the tunnels I would have thought you’d have found her?”


Thunder glared at the woman kneeling before him as realization dawned on him, “Drop her.”


Dense smiled with glee, “With pleasure Sir!”


The quick pop pop of Dense's sidearm echoed through the space. Two bullets smacked into the side of her head, exploding out the other side with so much force pieces of her brain flew 3 meters away. Vince appeared at the corridor to the groups left, he jogged towards them and then cautiously trod over parts of brains and skull, “You could of made a smaller mess.” moaned Vince, Thunder grabbed hold of his radio “Downtown! Can you rapel down the building?”


“Who do you think I am Action Man? Be there in a sec!”


Thunder and company started running towards the manhole. The unmistakable sound of gunfire could be heard outside, Thunder grabbed hold of his radio again “Downtown you there!”


“Yes but the Narcos are shooting at that horde of . . . UP?”


“What the fuck are you Mr and Mrs Acronym?”


“UP I made it up stands for Unidentified Peeps!”


“Hardy fucking ha!”